We Are All Anxious
I don't know how many times I have to start my blog with this. It's getting boring, but it happens all the time and it inspires me to write. I have thoughts, more thoughts, and more inspiration than usual when I'm anxious. Hmm, ironic.
I slept anxious last night and I woke up anxious this morning. When you're anxious, anything random can trigger you and your anxiety. You'll never know what that is. It can be anything. When you're anxious, anything random can calm you down, literally anything, you'll never know what.
I texted my boyfriend telling him that talking to him is not helping with my anxiety, it's triggering me more (he literally did not do anything other than saying good morning), so I asked him to text me a bit later and check in. I sat down in front of my mirror, staring at my eczemas hoping it will be gone soon, like my extreme anxiousness at that moment. I brushed my hair, with a really fluffy(?) brush. I brushed and I brushed. I felt better. I have long hair for years. I think most of my life, I kept my hair long. I don't care about my hair that much, that's the reason why I kept it long. So I can tie it up and get rid of it from my face every time. I don't have to think about hairstyles, I don't have to care if it's frizzy or rough or messy. I'll just tie it into a ponytail and that's it. You'll think short hair is easier to take care of. For me, nah. Short hair needs more maintenance, cause you can't tie it up when you're having a bad hair day. Plus, you have to make sure it's "in shape" all the time. Anyway... as I was brushing my hair, it relaxes me. Random huh? Random hair brushing relaxes me. It did nothing to me previously but today it relaxes me. I feel the beast leaving my body, or just going back into its cave, hiding somewhere, (in my body). Not saying I'm feeling happy? But at least no beast is running around my chest.
We are all anxious beings. It's human to feel anxious, to be anxious. I personally think that anxiousness drives us to do things, to be brave, to push us out of our comfort zone. (Anxiousness inspires me to write today, and most days, and read more too!). I believe every one of you reading this felt anxious before, maybe often. What is it like to be anxious? My previous post includes a pretty detailed description. But anxiousness is so similar to being nervous. Being anxious is not a negative thing, but if it impacts you and your daily lives negatively (panic attacks, hypertension, unable to continue daily activities) it's a sign that you should do something.
"Anxiety is not a disease, it is not an unhealable disorder. It is merely a symptom of having got a bit off balance. We don't fix anything. It doesn't need a fix. It just requires a bit of rebalancing."
This is the best thing I've read so far. I quoted it from the book I just finished, by Sarah Wilson, "First, we make the beast beautiful". It gives me peace, as it comforts you by describing feelings you feel, but can't put it in words. So anxious ladies and gentlemen, the "something" we need to do is not to fix our anxiety or get rid of it. Imagine someone who is unable to feel anxious. Pretty dull. We are blessed beings to have feelings, negative and positive ones (Fun fact, animals only feel fear, they don't feel anxious). Rebalancing is what we need. If you are someone who is good at balancing your anxious feelings, I am so proud and happy for you! If you are not, it's okay :) You're normal as well. I guess we just need a little bit more time and effort eh?
For some people, negative anxiousness is permanent. For some, it is temporary. A lot of us anxious beings, chapter 20 or chapter 1, embrace it and live with it. A lot of us hide it, from the public, from loved ones. I can see it sometimes, and I know a lot of these people who are hiding. Most of the time it is the stress that is causing it (the most common problem everyone has), and most of the time you don't even know you are feeling it. I'll share what I see from someone who is closest to me. That someone that I know never shares his personal problems with anyone. No negative feelings ever shared with me, coming from him. That is so not human, but I respect that this is his decision. There are times when he sleeps really tensely at night, shivering sometimes, biting his teeth against each other continuously. Had nightmares, sitting up straight, talking to himself about work, and only work, talks to me like he is awake (about work again), jerks in a sudden like he is in fear, or in danger. Kinda worries me, but he never remembers, never realizes that these things happen. I personally think it's a sign of repression, keeping all his worries to himself, and showing behaviors during his sleep. The good news is, it's only a short-term thing. He sleeps pretty well now without these worrying behaviors. I am happy and proud he manages to balance it quickly (unlike me booohoo). I am not professional and I am not an expert, saying that he is suffering from it, but sharing what I see and why I think it relates (symptoms). Who knows? Maybe after I finish my new book (about sleep) I can get my explanations (scientifically proven) and share it with you guys.
As for me, someone diagnosed with anxiety, I suffer from sleepless nights, breathless nights and nightmares (a lot). I'm not sure if I have any other symptoms. I sleep alone, or my boyfriend would be sleeping more soundly (I guess we'll never know?). Interestingly I remember all my nightmares the next day and have lots of lucid dreaming (dreams where you can control what's happening). Sleeping never gives me peace, but yes, medication is helping. I'll share more after I'm done with my second phase of treatment. (Feeling sleepy at this current moment while writing this blog post is such a blessing)
I understand the feeling of hiding your panic attacks in public. Still doing it every time. Smiling and laughing so hard but dying inside, so hard. If you feel the same, it's just that we all need a better way of balancing our anxiousness than others. Maybe it's something we have to do, it makes us special don't you think? We get harder challenges than others, we grew more.
Reach out, check-in :) You'll find it better when you can relate. You'll find it better when someone understands you and knows you're feeling shitty inside, in public. Check-in on your friends, anytime. People who are suffering from mental health will never write it out on their foreheads, they never show it on their faces. There are no outer appearance differences when it comes to mental health.
Rebalancing my anxiety, this is what I am yearning for (at least for now).
I slept anxious last night and I woke up anxious this morning. When you're anxious, anything random can trigger you and your anxiety. You'll never know what that is. It can be anything. When you're anxious, anything random can calm you down, literally anything, you'll never know what.
I texted my boyfriend telling him that talking to him is not helping with my anxiety, it's triggering me more (he literally did not do anything other than saying good morning), so I asked him to text me a bit later and check in. I sat down in front of my mirror, staring at my eczemas hoping it will be gone soon, like my extreme anxiousness at that moment. I brushed my hair, with a really fluffy(?) brush. I brushed and I brushed. I felt better. I have long hair for years. I think most of my life, I kept my hair long. I don't care about my hair that much, that's the reason why I kept it long. So I can tie it up and get rid of it from my face every time. I don't have to think about hairstyles, I don't have to care if it's frizzy or rough or messy. I'll just tie it into a ponytail and that's it. You'll think short hair is easier to take care of. For me, nah. Short hair needs more maintenance, cause you can't tie it up when you're having a bad hair day. Plus, you have to make sure it's "in shape" all the time. Anyway... as I was brushing my hair, it relaxes me. Random huh? Random hair brushing relaxes me. It did nothing to me previously but today it relaxes me. I feel the beast leaving my body, or just going back into its cave, hiding somewhere, (in my body). Not saying I'm feeling happy? But at least no beast is running around my chest.
We are all anxious beings. It's human to feel anxious, to be anxious. I personally think that anxiousness drives us to do things, to be brave, to push us out of our comfort zone. (Anxiousness inspires me to write today, and most days, and read more too!). I believe every one of you reading this felt anxious before, maybe often. What is it like to be anxious? My previous post includes a pretty detailed description. But anxiousness is so similar to being nervous. Being anxious is not a negative thing, but if it impacts you and your daily lives negatively (panic attacks, hypertension, unable to continue daily activities) it's a sign that you should do something.
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| @apeaceofwork |
"Anxiety is not a disease, it is not an unhealable disorder. It is merely a symptom of having got a bit off balance. We don't fix anything. It doesn't need a fix. It just requires a bit of rebalancing."
This is the best thing I've read so far. I quoted it from the book I just finished, by Sarah Wilson, "First, we make the beast beautiful". It gives me peace, as it comforts you by describing feelings you feel, but can't put it in words. So anxious ladies and gentlemen, the "something" we need to do is not to fix our anxiety or get rid of it. Imagine someone who is unable to feel anxious. Pretty dull. We are blessed beings to have feelings, negative and positive ones (Fun fact, animals only feel fear, they don't feel anxious). Rebalancing is what we need. If you are someone who is good at balancing your anxious feelings, I am so proud and happy for you! If you are not, it's okay :) You're normal as well. I guess we just need a little bit more time and effort eh?
For some people, negative anxiousness is permanent. For some, it is temporary. A lot of us anxious beings, chapter 20 or chapter 1, embrace it and live with it. A lot of us hide it, from the public, from loved ones. I can see it sometimes, and I know a lot of these people who are hiding. Most of the time it is the stress that is causing it (the most common problem everyone has), and most of the time you don't even know you are feeling it. I'll share what I see from someone who is closest to me. That someone that I know never shares his personal problems with anyone. No negative feelings ever shared with me, coming from him. That is so not human, but I respect that this is his decision. There are times when he sleeps really tensely at night, shivering sometimes, biting his teeth against each other continuously. Had nightmares, sitting up straight, talking to himself about work, and only work, talks to me like he is awake (about work again), jerks in a sudden like he is in fear, or in danger. Kinda worries me, but he never remembers, never realizes that these things happen. I personally think it's a sign of repression, keeping all his worries to himself, and showing behaviors during his sleep. The good news is, it's only a short-term thing. He sleeps pretty well now without these worrying behaviors. I am happy and proud he manages to balance it quickly (unlike me booohoo). I am not professional and I am not an expert, saying that he is suffering from it, but sharing what I see and why I think it relates (symptoms). Who knows? Maybe after I finish my new book (about sleep) I can get my explanations (scientifically proven) and share it with you guys.
As for me, someone diagnosed with anxiety, I suffer from sleepless nights, breathless nights and nightmares (a lot). I'm not sure if I have any other symptoms. I sleep alone, or my boyfriend would be sleeping more soundly (I guess we'll never know?). Interestingly I remember all my nightmares the next day and have lots of lucid dreaming (dreams where you can control what's happening). Sleeping never gives me peace, but yes, medication is helping. I'll share more after I'm done with my second phase of treatment. (Feeling sleepy at this current moment while writing this blog post is such a blessing)
I understand the feeling of hiding your panic attacks in public. Still doing it every time. Smiling and laughing so hard but dying inside, so hard. If you feel the same, it's just that we all need a better way of balancing our anxiousness than others. Maybe it's something we have to do, it makes us special don't you think? We get harder challenges than others, we grew more.
Reach out, check-in :) You'll find it better when you can relate. You'll find it better when someone understands you and knows you're feeling shitty inside, in public. Check-in on your friends, anytime. People who are suffering from mental health will never write it out on their foreheads, they never show it on their faces. There are no outer appearance differences when it comes to mental health.
Rebalancing my anxiety, this is what I am yearning for (at least for now).
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