First Phase of Treatment : Thoughts & Experience
I ended my first phase of treatment for my anxiety and depression. Went back to the doctor's and talked about my symptoms and experience throughout the journey. I've been journaling as much as possible so I can keep track of what's happening. Am I depressed? Any panic attacks? and so on.
Previously, I was prescribed with antidepressants (check out my blog post "I reached out for help" for more information on the medication I'm taking and how I reached out). The first two weeks of treatment was a disaster. I was anxious and depressed that I am not seeing improvements. I was feeling very skeptical if I should continue taking my medication. Although I do understand that it takes time to see results and feel better, I still get anxious at times. Mostly because I blame myself a lot for feeling anxious and depressed, especially when it starts to affect people around me. For the first two weeks, I continue to see symptoms develop. Another thing that bothers me the most, is the first night when I started taking the medication, insomnia hits. As I said previously, "I am lucky enough that I am not suffering from sleep problems". Turns out I said it too soon. I have problems sleeping. Which is a bit ironic, because my medication is supposed to make me drowsy, but that's not the case. Every night before I sleep I have to catch my breath, I can't really feel the air anymore, I just have to try my best again and again until I feel like I am "actually breathing". When I have shortness of breath, I get anxious. I want to sleep well and wake up 8:30am without my alarm as usual. I get anxious that I will fuck up my sleep schedule and my body clock. Sometimes it leads to depression, I try so hard to fall asleep but I can't really take control.
It goes on and on for approximately 3 weeks. Slowly, I am so happy to say that I feel better. I'm even smiling when I'm writing this :) I can breathe normally, day or night. I don't have to sit up straight every night, on my bed, trying to breathe. I feel less depressed. I can go through a few days without breaking down. Less depressive episodes (but when it happens, it sucks, out of control). I don't remember the last time I had a panic attack. Which is amazing! Although I still suffer from insomnia and breaking down once in a while, I am super proud and happy for myself. Baby steps are better than nothing.
I went to my doctor's appointment. I addressed my concerns and refer back to my journal to make sure I did not provide the wrong information to my doctor. "You are doing very well!" he said. To be exact, he's like: "wa, 好很多了hor” :). He even mentioned I look different. Like, the aura? You see someone and you know they look different, feels different, in a better way. I told him about my sleeping problems, he reassured me that it's okay and it's normal as anxiety and depression will affect my sleep quality. As planned, during this second phase of treatment, he prescribed me the same medication (Fluvoxamine), but stronger, and also another medication to help me sleep, Alprazolam.
From my knowledge, Alprazolam is a type of benzodiazepine. Usually prescribed to help with anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc. It helps with balancing chemicals in your brain that is affecting your problems and gives you a calming effect.
Second phase of treatment starts in two days. I will finish my leftover medication and start with the new ones. A long journey to go, but I'm glad I took a step forward.
After sharing my blog and my experience, I have people reaching out to me sharing their problems and doubts too. First of all, thank you so much for being brave and sharing your thoughts with me. I am not an expert nor a professional but I am happy that I can be the one who listens to you, and talk to you when you don't know where or who to reach out for. I wish myself good luck in my second phase of treatment, and I wish you good luck on your journey too. Always remember that it's okay to feel negative, reach out when you want to, there are people here for you.
Before I end I would like to thank my boyfriend for doing a good job supporting me throughout this journey. He has no prior experience of helping people who are suffering from mental health issues but he is trying his best to do whatever he can. I am grateful that you did not give up on me when I want to give up on myself. Our anniversary is in 2 days, Happy 8th Anniversary.
Previously, I was prescribed with antidepressants (check out my blog post "I reached out for help" for more information on the medication I'm taking and how I reached out). The first two weeks of treatment was a disaster. I was anxious and depressed that I am not seeing improvements. I was feeling very skeptical if I should continue taking my medication. Although I do understand that it takes time to see results and feel better, I still get anxious at times. Mostly because I blame myself a lot for feeling anxious and depressed, especially when it starts to affect people around me. For the first two weeks, I continue to see symptoms develop. Another thing that bothers me the most, is the first night when I started taking the medication, insomnia hits. As I said previously, "I am lucky enough that I am not suffering from sleep problems". Turns out I said it too soon. I have problems sleeping. Which is a bit ironic, because my medication is supposed to make me drowsy, but that's not the case. Every night before I sleep I have to catch my breath, I can't really feel the air anymore, I just have to try my best again and again until I feel like I am "actually breathing". When I have shortness of breath, I get anxious. I want to sleep well and wake up 8:30am without my alarm as usual. I get anxious that I will fuck up my sleep schedule and my body clock. Sometimes it leads to depression, I try so hard to fall asleep but I can't really take control.
It goes on and on for approximately 3 weeks. Slowly, I am so happy to say that I feel better. I'm even smiling when I'm writing this :) I can breathe normally, day or night. I don't have to sit up straight every night, on my bed, trying to breathe. I feel less depressed. I can go through a few days without breaking down. Less depressive episodes (but when it happens, it sucks, out of control). I don't remember the last time I had a panic attack. Which is amazing! Although I still suffer from insomnia and breaking down once in a while, I am super proud and happy for myself. Baby steps are better than nothing.
I went to my doctor's appointment. I addressed my concerns and refer back to my journal to make sure I did not provide the wrong information to my doctor. "You are doing very well!" he said. To be exact, he's like: "wa, 好很多了hor” :). He even mentioned I look different. Like, the aura? You see someone and you know they look different, feels different, in a better way. I told him about my sleeping problems, he reassured me that it's okay and it's normal as anxiety and depression will affect my sleep quality. As planned, during this second phase of treatment, he prescribed me the same medication (Fluvoxamine), but stronger, and also another medication to help me sleep, Alprazolam.
From my knowledge, Alprazolam is a type of benzodiazepine. Usually prescribed to help with anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc. It helps with balancing chemicals in your brain that is affecting your problems and gives you a calming effect.
Second phase of treatment starts in two days. I will finish my leftover medication and start with the new ones. A long journey to go, but I'm glad I took a step forward.
After sharing my blog and my experience, I have people reaching out to me sharing their problems and doubts too. First of all, thank you so much for being brave and sharing your thoughts with me. I am not an expert nor a professional but I am happy that I can be the one who listens to you, and talk to you when you don't know where or who to reach out for. I wish myself good luck in my second phase of treatment, and I wish you good luck on your journey too. Always remember that it's okay to feel negative, reach out when you want to, there are people here for you.
Before I end I would like to thank my boyfriend for doing a good job supporting me throughout this journey. He has no prior experience of helping people who are suffering from mental health issues but he is trying his best to do whatever he can. I am grateful that you did not give up on me when I want to give up on myself. Our anniversary is in 2 days, Happy 8th Anniversary.
 |
| @ashton.creates |
 |
| 2018? |
Comments
Post a Comment