Third & Fourth Phase of Treatement: Thoughts and Experiences

It's my fourth phase of treatment and things are working out well, but also not that well. I can honestly tell you that I am no longer experiencing panic attacks and random anxiousness. My meds worked so well for my anxiety. This is the well part.

For things that are not so well, my depression developed, into moderate severe depression. The amount of sadness I experience is out of control. I knew it will be like this when I broke down during my doctor's visit. We agreed on changing my meds, from my usual ones to Venlafaxine, which is also a type of drug where it increases your seratonin levels. I was told that Venlafaxine will be a better med for what I'm experiencing. 

After a month on Venlafaxine (V), I did see some difference between Alprazolam (A). When I was on A, it was a disaster if I ever miss a pill. I will be experiencing really bad episodes of depression or panic attacks. However, when time passed, my anxiety is much more in control. As for V, I missed this pill a lot. I used to take all my meds at night but I am require to take V in the morning. I am not used to remembering to take my meds in the morning, I can say I missed my V pill almost 3 times a week. However, whenever I miss the V pill, I do not experience any bad episodes or break down immediately. I feel super fine. Things were stable and under control. It was the best month of my life. As usual, you wont see results immediately, it took me 2-3 weeks to realize the changes and feel better. I was energetic, I was living the balanced life I always wanted. Waking up at 6am to go to the gym, go to work at 9am, come back home and sleep around 8-9pm. It was so balance and amazing. For all these positive things happening to me, my doctor explains that V is usually one of the best antidepressants, especially when it comes to patients with severe depression. Unlike A, V stays in my body for a longer period, which explains why I feel fine even after I miss my meds. Before taking V, A actually helped me to set a pretty good foundation/base for my serotonin levels, therefore it's one of the reason why I'm seeing such good results with V. Other than that, another benefit of V is that it helps you to be more energetic. However, the price is high, so he did seek my consent before changing up my meds. 

I was prescribed with another pill to help with my sleep. Olanzapine (helps to block dopamine receptors). First, it was 5mg, but by the end of the treatment I am struggling a lot with my sleep, so now I'm taking 10mg of O. Dude, I slept so well I am so damn happy. It's when I finally tell my boyfriend "I slept well last night".

I ended my third phase of treatment by finishing up V and O. I was too busy to go back to the doctor's for my monthly visit. I was one week late. I start to feel feverish and weak. I thought I caught a cold as the symptoms are similar. My temperature feels high but it's not. My body is covered with cold sweat. I can't walk a straight line as I'm feeling very nauseous and weak. I can feel my body shiver and my eyes wanting to close at all times. I feel like a drunk lady. I thought it was me being exhausted after spending a day at the zoo with my family and my lovely nephew. But all these symptoms went on for a few days, until the day of my monthly visit. Of course my doctor did complained why did I came in late as we should always be self disciplined when it comes to taking meds. I missed out one week of my meds, and all these symptoms that I'm experiencing, it's actually a form of relapse of my anxiety and depression. As usual, my doctor says its normal to experience this. Some of you may ask, does this mean that I have to rely on my meds forever? No, not true. Yes, I am experiencing these symptoms when I am off my meds, this only proves that I cannot completely cut them off. To stop taking meds, we will have to start with reducing the dosage whenever my doctor sees improvement and thinks it is ready to reduce, from 100 to 60, 60 to 30, and all the way until 0. 

Now I am continuing taking V and O. I am very confident as I had good experience with it. I can proudly say I don't remember experiencing panic attacks until today (no jinx). Grateful for all the people who are supporting me throughout this journey, I will make you and myself proud by continue being self discipline and see improvements. 

If you're experiencing what I'm experiencing and don't know where to start/who to reach out to/where to seek for professional help, please do remember that you are not alone :) Feel free to reach out to me and we can have a good chat about this. Also, thank you for the ones who reached out and checked in. So grateful that you're willing to talk to me and open up. We are all in this together. Good luck and stay healthy.

@poetryofdhiman