To Our Loved Ones, thank you for being here for us.

It was never easy dealing with our own mental health issues, and it was never easy for the people around us too. If you have someone around you or someone you love who is on their journey dealing with mental health issues, thank you so much for staying and supporting, this post is for you. 

Yes, it is frustrating most times. I'll start this post by sharing my experience with my boyfriend's support. He has been dealing with my anxiety and depression throughout this journey, and I do feel bad for him. I can't really control my feelings (yet), and at the same time I feel sorry for making him go through this (because I understand we all have our own problems that we need to deal with, and he still need to deal with mine). He gets frustrated most times, he is lost and he has no experience supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health. Sometimes when I break down, it would turn into a big fight between us instead. However, I do understand, it's not easy, neither for him nor me. 

To our loved ones, 

It's okay that you are frustrated, but do acknowledge that your frustration makes us feel worse. I understand that your frustration is coming out from being lost and have no idea how to deal with breakdowns or panic attacks. So it's normal that you'll be frustrated. Be honest that you really don't know how to deal with situations like these. Therefore..

Ask them what they want and what can you do to help. Work things out with that person, ask them questions like: "What can I do to make you feel better?". Ask if they want hugs or kisses or maybe some water. It helps! 

Stay. Most of us still keep shit to ourselves even after breaking down several times. When they are unwilling to share, don't try to force it out. Just letting them know that you're there is very comforting enough. 

Please don't tell them to "just calm down". We know that for sure and we are trying our best to. It's not something that we can stop just because we want it to stop. How can you help? It really depends on what they want. That's why communication is important. 

Acknowledge that different people want different things. Some just wants you to be there, some just wants you to listen, some wants your opinion. As for me, I like to ask my boyfriend to say nice things to me. Instead of "just calm down", or "nothing is wrong, there's no point for you to breakdown", I would prefer when someone says things like "I'm here for you don't worry". 

Understand that we are not crying for attention.

"Loved one try to understand it through their uninspiring lens. They can easily conclude that such "episodes" are either an attack on them (when their efforts to calm you have failed) or a cry for attention (also an attack on them - they mustn't be giving you enough attention) But it's not. I promise it's not" - Sarah Wilson. 

Yes, I swear. We don't need suffer all the pain or hurt ourselves to "cry for attention". We want it to go away as much as you do. Please don't take our breakdowns as something that you should ignore just because you think that "it's no big deal, why are you breaking down". Honestly, sometimes I don't even understand why I break down or what triggers me. We are as confuse as you are, way more confuse.

As for you, struggling with balancing your mental health. 

Acknowledge that your loved ones are here for you, they stayed, but they are lost and are not professionals, it is normal for them to be frustrated. Be honest, tell them what you feel and tell them what can they do to make you feel better. No guessing games. Guessing games are the worst and I personally do not think it will be helping the situation. Don't expect that it's their responsibility to make you feel better and it is amazing that they are trying. Don't expect them to give you therapy or anything. Not everyone knows how to deal with situations like these. And, do not expect that they should know what to do (In the reality where everyone's mental health knowledge is low :( Which is sad). So tell them! Do you want a hug? Do you want them to listen to you? Do you want them to tell you something nice？Anything :) Oh, and it's okay that if you don't know what you want yet. Let them know that too. Let them know that you still don't know what they can do to help. Explore different ways together.  

For both of you, 

Communication is key. It's a two way thing. We are all in this together. This is why it is important for both to provide something. Where one tells what they want, and the other will try their best to support. Take your time to figure things out together, you don't have to rush. It took me almost a year to work things out, and it's not perfect still, not expecting it to be perfect, just want it to be better and better every time. Educate each other, educate people where all of us will feel better in situations like these. Good luck, keep learning and stay well.